How to Tick Off an Editor

We have a potpourri of topics to cover under a common umbrella: things that tick editors off. Here are some surefire ways to do that.

Call anybody. Above all, waste their time. Don't bother checking out beats, just call any name you can think of, or ask for the Editor-In-Chief, and pitch any story that's on your mind.

Sucker plays. Insult their intelligence. Try to get them to run news stories on products you launched before. Convince them that yours is the first and only whozis with some significant something, whether or not it's true.

No trust. Don't forget to besmirch their integrity. When you send them a product for review, make them sign all kinds of disclaimers, invoice them Net 10 and make sure you sic the bill collectors on them right away.

Baby-sit. And by all means, treat them like children. If you know they're reviewing your product, call them once an hour to make sure they don't get into any mischief.

Assume senility. Finally, discount their memory. If you make them a promise, don't worry about keeping it, now or ever.

Real stories.

Know what's scary about these scenarios? They're all culled from real-life experience that members of the press shared with us - nor are we overstating them much. Just for the record, let's hit the "do-bee" approached to these few items.

Right call.

The most compelling story pitch in the world falls on deaf ears when you reach somebody who doesn't have your subject on his or her beat list. It only takes a moment to call and check who covers whatever-it-is. In another moment, you can determine if any days of the week (or month) or times of day are any better or any worse than others. And flush away the editorial bigotry that has the Editor-In-Chief set up as a target; the EIC is as seldom a target for your tactical PR calls as a general is the right guy to ask about mess hall menus.

Old news.

One thing you can safely assume about writers is that they read - often a lot more than the rest of us, especially within the fields about which they write. Don't try disguising your old news as new. You may put one over on the phone, but it's rare that you wouldn't get caught before publication. And whether you get caught then or after the fact, your credibility with that reporter is shot for a very long time.

Review views.

When you send evaluation products to reviewers at monthly magazines, make the loan period at least four to six months, make extensions easy; if your cost of goods is low, don't ask for a return at all. Keep your memo invoicing out of the accounting cycle. If, at the end of the period, they want to keep it, give them the best price you can; remember, they're buying what you must now regard as used goods. And don't nag them during the review process. Instead, include a cover letter when you send the product inviting them to contact specific technical supportand marketing people for any assistance they might need.